Top 10 - Lessons in Love

After a very brief pause in the dating with Dateable Dad, everything is going strong. My own insecurities and fears made me skittish when it came time to dip my toes into the water. But, I also know I'm not going to drown as long as I allow myself to trust.

I still have a lot of issues. I can be completely open in the physical and intimate sense, but when it comes to matters of the heart, there is a cage of barbed wire. I'm trying to approach things differently this time around, and the only way I can have a truly fulfilling relationship (in both the physical and emotional sense) is to snip away at that wire and let my heart peek out, even if it's just a little bit at a time.

I now realize that my little dog has taught me a whole lot about love:

1) I'm going to sniff you out. I may be a little standoffish at first, but give me some time. If I can trust you, I'll let you get close to me. If I can't, watch out because I may just bite you.
2) I will always give you unconditional love. It doesn't matter if you are having a good or a bad day, what you look like, if you've brushed your teeth or haven't showered in days - I will love you.
3) No matter how long or little it has been since I've seen you, I'm always eager to have you near me. I'll wag my tail and whimper just to be near you. I don't need a whole lot of your time, just some attention to know that you love me back.
4) If it's mine, I'm going to piss on my territory. I may act cool and confident, but the minute somebody oversteps the boundaries I'm going to let you know who's top dog.
5) When I can really trust you, I'll roll right over and you can rub my belly all you want. I'll be completely vulnerable to you, and that's okay because I know you won't hurt me.
6) At the end of the day, I just want you to hold me, scratch my head a bit, and let me feel you close. I need the warmth of your body to put me at ease when the world gets a little hectic.
7) I can get a little crazy and off-the-wall, but my quirks are what make you love me even more. If I was well-behaved all of the time, you might think something was wrong.
8) I can be annoying and needy, but you'll love me despite all of this. Sometimes I need reassurance when I make a mess or do something wrong. I just need to know that you'll always love me.
9) I'll be your best friend. That's all I want. Love is about finding that best friend who will never judge you, and appreciates all of you, flaws included. A best friend never feels as though you owe anything in return. It's you that I want.
10) Love me even on my worst days and I'll be forever devoted and loyal to you.

Isn't that really what we're after when it comes to love?

Who's On Top?

In relationships there seems to be this ongoing struggle for dominance whether it be for control of the finances, the household decor, use of the sports car....And even for love, there seems to be this struggle for control. Musicians write of it often...John Mayer's latest cd Battle Studies is even titled to address this struggle (Chicks, I know you don't like him anymore because he kisses and tells all, but please hear me out).

As I read through many of our past posts there seems to be a common theme. We are driven to find "THE ONE" who will make us feel whole, who will bring us comfort and happiness in this world of uncertainty. That one who will make us believe we are someone special instead of just another body roaming the earth until we meet our final destination. We women often enter relationships giving all we have got to make our expectations and intentions unmistakable to the potential significant other. This is where I think we may have it all wrong.

Dr. Robert Anthony, noted self-help expert says "the one who loves the least, controls the relationship." And while a love affair should be a balanced partnership without struggles for dominance, that never seems to be the case. We all want to have our affection reciprocated and when it is not, the relationship is out of balance. It almost seems in order to get the love and affection we women want, we have to outwardly love our significant other a little less than they love us [In an extreme case, the female preying mantis has it all right, she gets what she wants and then she eats her mate:)]. While this doesn't seem right or honest or true to what a love is supposed to be, it seems that the way women express our feelings today just is not productive for producing the balanced partnership we so long for.

Oh...what is a woman to do?

Option A: Be true to our feelings and express these feelings to the one we love.

Option B: Keep those feelings close to the vest and don't show true emotion because then we will have better control of the relationship.

My heart says go with option A and my head says go with B. Your thoughts Chicks?

My Own Advice

I should have followed my own advice. In looking over my post for "Now Accepting Reservations" it clearly states that I will not accept 1) Irish boys and 2) trained chefs. DD was not a trained chef, but I later learned that he spent some time working in and managing various kitchens. I think that counts. As for the Irish factor, there is no excuse for ignoring this critical detail. I am hopeless when it comes to falling for those Irish boys. I can't even tell you what it is. Well, maybe it's in the eyes. Oh, those eyes are always so captivating. Those Irish eyes. When I stare into those eyes just a second too long, I'm suddenly taken to another place and I can't turn back. I should have known.

The two weeks or so were fun, exciting, exhilarating, and just what I needed to get back into the dating scene. Of course I'm disappointed that things didn't go any further. I'd be lying if I didn't address that. But, deep down in my heart and soul I knew that it wouldn't work. He's new to the dating scene and it would be selfish of me to assume that he'd be content to be with one person after being in a relationship for twenty years. I suppose what upset me the most were the frequent texts and emails, our chemistry when we were together, plans being made to get together throughout the summer both with and without the kids, and that way he looked at me. It was almost as if he said one thing but meant another, acted one way but intended another.

This was a great way to dip my feet into the water and realize that I do want some companionship back in my life. I can't say the level that I want or need, because I'm still too nervous to trust anyone who seems too good to be true. But, I'm also willing to open my heart up just a little bit and take some risks.

But I think it's time I swear off those Irish boys, even if for just a little bit. Maybe I can find a nice Greek boy...